Tag Archives: emotions

GENERAL

Negative Self-Talk

Posted on by Kyle Armour

Negative self-talk often begins from obsessing about the self.

The quickest solution? Giving.

Give someone something that they’d value. Focus on others instead of yourself.

It could be as simple as giving a compliment, attention, or time.

Another origin of negative self-talk is trauma (and the mind attempting to cope with it).

I have a crazy example from a physical trauma I faced.

When I was 17, I totaled an ATV going ~60 mph. I did two “rag doll style” flips in the air and landed on my head.

I shattered my helmet into a million pieces. I’d be dead if it wasn’t for that helmet!

The accident put me in the hospital for 8 days, and I had 3 bleeds in the posterior parietal section of my brain.

When I came out of the hospital, I was extremely fragile, fearful, confused, uncertain, and unconfident.

When trauma happens (whether physical or emotional), confidence is often destroyed, and the individual will likely lose sight of a compelling future for themselves.

Most of my post-accident thoughts were about “what I could no longer do”, and “how I was now mentally handicapped”. These thoughts ruminated in me for years while I tried to get back to living a “normal” life.

But with coaching, mentorship, going to the gym, studying, and of course, time, I’ve killed all of the limiting beliefs that came from this trauma.

Now, I own a motorcycle, after fully believing I’d never be able to step on a powered vehicle again. This was a massive internal win for me. I realized I was more powerful than my circumstances.

Remember, negative/limiting thoughts can be big and obnoxious, or very small and hard to detect- and they impact all of us to some degree.

One of my favorite new tricks for when you have negative thoughts or limiting beliefs: use Voice Recording on your phone, and record yourself speaking them out loud. Then play it back to yourself (especially days later). It works wonders.

No thoughts or emotions stick around forever- remember “this shall too pass”. This is a law of the universe.

Wake up every day and immediately put yourself in a positive mindset.

Scream your incantations and give every day your all.

Stay in control. You’re behind the wheel.

Armour

GENERAL

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is MALLEABLE. (Control Your Thoughts and Feelings)

Posted on by Kyle Armour

EQ came into the “mainstream” (1995) after the discovery that people with average IQs were outperforming those with the highest IQs – 70% of the time. [1] How could that be?

Emotional Intelligence is the answer.

As much as we’re instructed to value intellectual pursuits, it’s actually our capacity to feel emotions, sustain connections and exhibit solid character that opens doors in everyday life. Since connections and relationships drive the entirety of business and life, your emotional intelligence will always be more important than your general intellect. [3]

How much of an impact does emotional intelligence (EQ) have on your professional success? 

A LOT.

Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigates social complexities, and make personal decisions that achieve positive results. Emotional intelligence is made up of four core skills that pair up under two primary competencies: personal competence and social competence.

Personal competence is made up of your self-awareness and self-management skills, which focus more on you individually than on your interactions with other people. Personal competence is your ability to stay aware of your emotions and manage your behavior and tendencies.

  • Self-Awareness is your ability to accurately perceive your emotions and stay aware of them as they happen.
  • Self-Management is your ability to use awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and positively direct your behavior.

Social competence is made up of your social awareness and relationship management skills; social competence is your ability to understand other people’s moods, behavior, and motives in order to improve the quality of your relationships.

  • Social-Awareness is your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on.
  • Relationship Management is your ability to use awareness of your emotions and others’ emotions to manage interactions successfully.

After analyzing over 1,000,000 people, TalentSmart and Dr. Travis Bradberry made these conclusions about people with High EQ:

  1. They’re relentlessly positive.
  2. They have a robust emotional vocabulary.
  3. They’re assertive.
  4. They’re curious about other people.
  5. They forgive, but they don’t forget.
  6. They won’t let anyone limit their joy.
  7. They make things fun.
  8. They are difficult to offend.
  9. They quash negative self-talk.

Remember again, EQ is highly malleable and teachable. You can get better at it by developing habits that encourage these behaviors. Surround yourself with positive people who exhibit emotionally intelligent behaviors, and before long, your neural pathways will rewire, you’ll build myelin sheaths around those pathways, and ultimately, you’ll become more emotionally intelligent.

TonyRobbins.com, “6 Steps to Emotional Mastery”

Citations / Read More:
[1] TalentSmart, “About Emotional Intelligence”, https://www.talentsmart.com/about/emotional-intelligence.php
[2] HuffPost, Dr. Travis Bradberry, https://www.huffpost.com/entry/9-habits-of-highly-emotio_b_12675410,
[3] Tony Robbins, https://www.tonyrobbins.com/personal-growth/how-to-improve-emotional-intelligence/
[4] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201410/how-increase-your-emotional-intelligence-6-essentials,
[5] https://www.tonyrobbins.com/stories/unleash-the-power/discover-your-peak-state/

GENERAL

Growth Comes With Emotion (Constructive or Destructive)

Posted on by Kyle Armour

All human beings seek growth. However, any time we seek growth, emotion comes with it. Emotions of certainty help us begin our journey- but that certainty is often quickly followed by emotions of doubt and despair, as we come to terms with how difficult growth can sometimes be.

However, lets not forget, we are human beings. As such, we can train ourselves into states of depression, sadness, jealousy, anger- or more preferably, the opposite- states of gratitude, happiness, joy, and calm.

We must learn to accept disappointment, as we are all human, and we know it will come when we do not achieve what we set out to achieve. It is said that we will only achieve 30% of our goals (that is why you should set a lot of them). You can learn to discipline your disappointment by controlling your state – your physiology (how you hold yourself- shoulders back, chest up, eyes straight ahead), where you focus your attention, and the language you use (affirmations pierce to the subconscious).

Below are a few graphics that have helped me over the years. If you come across the source of these, please let me know so I can correctly credit the authors. Enjoy!

Source: raydalio.com / https://principles.com