Monthly Archives: January 2020

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is MALLEABLE. (Control Your Thoughts and Feelings)

EQ came into the “mainstream” (1995) after the discovery that people with average IQs were outperforming those with the highest IQs – 70% of the time. [1] How could that be?

Emotional Intelligence is the answer.

As much as we’re instructed to value intellectual pursuits, it’s actually our capacity to feel emotions, sustain connections and exhibit solid character that opens doors in everyday life. Since connections and relationships drive the entirety of business and life, your emotional intelligence will always be more important than your general intellect. [3]

How much of an impact does emotional intelligence (EQ) have on your professional success? 


Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigates social complexities, and make personal decisions that achieve positive results. Emotional intelligence is made up of four core skills that pair up under two primary competencies: personal competence and social competence.

Personal competence is made up of your self-awareness and self-management skills, which focus more on you individually than on your interactions with other people. Personal competence is your ability to stay aware of your emotions and manage your behavior and tendencies.

  • Self-Awareness is your ability to accurately perceive your emotions and stay aware of them as they happen.
  • Self-Management is your ability to use awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and positively direct your behavior.

Social competence is made up of your social awareness and relationship management skills; social competence is your ability to understand other people’s moods, behavior, and motives in order to improve the quality of your relationships.

  • Social-Awareness is your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on.
  • Relationship Management is your ability to use awareness of your emotions and others’ emotions to manage interactions successfully.

After analyzing over 1,000,000 people, TalentSmart and Dr. Travis Bradberry made these conclusions about people with High EQ:

  1. They’re relentlessly positive.
  2. They have a robust emotional vocabulary.
  3. They’re assertive.
  4. They’re curious about other people.
  5. They forgive, but they don’t forget.
  6. They won’t let anyone limit their joy.
  7. They make things fun.
  8. They are difficult to offend.
  9. They quash negative self-talk.

Remember again, EQ is highly malleable and teachable. You can get better at it by developing habits that encourage these behaviors. Surround yourself with positive people who exhibit emotionally intelligent behaviors, and before long, your neural pathways will rewire, you’ll build myelin sheaths around those pathways, and ultimately, you’ll become more emotionally intelligent., “6 Steps to Emotional Mastery”

Citations / Read More:
[1] TalentSmart, “About Emotional Intelligence”,
[2] HuffPost, Dr. Travis Bradberry,,
[3] Tony Robbins,

My Favorite Personality Tests

One important step in life is knowing who you are. There are a ton of free Personality Tests out there- and I’ve found many of them to be very helpful in reminding myself what I am good at, and potentially what I am not. Remember to always CELEBRATE finding weaknesses – and HIRE those. Focusing on where you are inherently strong will lead to more success. Here are my top personality tests and assessments I recommend you complete yearly. (Add a reminder to your calendar!)

Time to Complete: 20-30 minutes

The most scientific psychometric test is called HEXACO. It is more accurate than “The Big 5”, INFJ, Myers Brigs, etc. Conscientiousness most collated with business success.

  1. Perfectionism (6 sigma – 3 mistakes per 1 million)
  2. Organization
  3. Diligence (hard work)
  4. Prudence (cautiousness, “The ability to make the right decision”)

16 Personalities
Time to Complete: <5 minutes

“It’s so incredible to finally be understood.”

Their website says, “get a “freakishly accurate” description of who you are and why you do things the way you do”. I could not agree more. Vastly different again, this personality test gives you SO much feedback and insight, including ways to really take action on your results. It will inform you of your “personality type”, your strengths, weaknesses, and similar famous people with those types. It will go further to discuss your role in relationships, friends, parents, careers, subordinates, colleagues, managers, and more.

I highly recommend taking this one.

Time to Complete: <5 minutes

The Grit Scale was developed by Angela Duckworth, a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, to identify traits that might predict success. You can find it in her book, “Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance”, and learn more here:

TournsolKids Test
Time to Complete: 5-10 minutes

I learned about this test from a Tony Robbins seminar. While it is geared towards children, “Adults who want to take the assessment receive the most accurate results by answering the questions from the perspective of your 15-year- old self.”

I loved the results from this test, which really showed me my aggressive nature and that I need to focus more on my water qualities. My scores were as follows:

Wood Power: 61.2%
Fire Power: 71.1%
Earth Power: 72%
Gold Power: 70.2%
Water Power: 42.3%

Jaiya – Primary Exotic Blueprint
Time to Complete: 5-10 minutes

Another one learned from Tony Robbins, from his Platinum-Members ($80k/yr) only “Relationship” seminar.

“Internationally recognized, award-winning sexologist and best selling author (Red Hot Touch), Jaiya is the creator of the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™ and the Erotic Blueprint™ Quiz. Through more than two decades of client observation and clinical research she discovered a map of arousal that reveals your specific erotic language, a revolutionary framework to create deeper connection and sexual satisfaction. “

After doing the test, and just learning about the other energy types, I felt like I understood myself, my partner, and my friends and acquaintances more. Here is a small snippet of what I received – in addition to several videos which walk you through the different types.

Positive Aspects of the Energetic Type:
* Very, very sensitive and intuitive
* Can orgasm without even being touched
* Value love and emotional connection

Shadow Aspects:
* Can short circuit if touch isn’t timed right
* May not be able to concentrate on pleasure, if something seems off with a partner
* Can get hierarchical – “my way is better or more enlightened than yours”

That is it for now. If you have any other test your recommend or have been helpful, please let me know on Telegram at @kylearmour – Talk soon!

Feel Tired and Out of Control? 9 Tips to Maximize your Sleep and Calendar!

Beginning of a great day begins a night before.”

– Sukant Ratnakar

Here are some really quick tips on how I manage my calendar and sleep.

  1. Explore other Calendar apps that speed up your workflow. I love BusyCal for its Quick Edit Feature, and To-Do list (OSX Reminders). Fantastical 2 comes in a close second for me.
  2. Lock in your bedtime. Mine is 9:30 pm. Repeat this event daily. 7-8 hours!
  3. Lock in your night routine. 8:30 pm. This can be light reading, herbal tea, folding and laying out clothes for tomorrow, journaling, etc. Set an alarm if it helps. No phone/computer use. Go Airplane/Do not disturb mode. Use blue blocker glasses/night shift mode (after sunset). Charge phone outside of the bedroom.
  4. Keep your To-Do List in Reminders. Set every To-Do Item with a [1] – [5] on its priority. Write it at the beginning, and organize your list by name. Every day at 3-4 pm, Plan your day for tomorrow. (Read: Organize Today Tomorrow)
  5. Block out every 30-minute window with a blank calendar event. Repeat weekly. Now you can see all the time you have. Use your To-Do list to fill events. Block in “fun time”. Block in time to do nothing. Block in time to scroll Instagram if you require that. Use separate calendars (and colors) to organize “Social Events”, “Family Time”, “Exercise”, “Sleep”, “Routine”.
  6. Do not wait until you feel sleepy. Be religious and try your best to go to bed at the same time every day. Lock in your circadian rhythm.
  7. Do not eat (or drink caffeine) after 7:00 pm, or 2-3 hours before bed.
  8. Always aim to wake up naturally. The goal is to wake up without setting an alarm.
  9. Affirm to your subconscious, out loud, what time you will wake up. It works. You can also affirm “I always obey my calendar”, which is a great practice, as long as you plan your calendar when you are in a peak state.

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.

– Ben Franklin

Growth Comes With Emotion (Constructive or Destructive)

All human beings seek growth. However, any time we seek growth, emotion comes with it. Emotions of certainty help us begin our journey- but that certainty is often quickly followed by emotions of doubt and despair, as we come to terms with how difficult growth can sometimes be.

However, lets not forget, we are human beings. As such, we can train ourselves into states of depression, sadness, jealousy, anger- or more preferably, the opposite- states of gratitude, happiness, joy, and calm.

We must learn to accept disappointment, as we are all human, and we know it will come when we do not achieve what we set out to achieve. It is said that we will only achieve 30% of our goals (that is why you should set a lot of them). You can learn to discipline your disappointment by controlling your state – your physiology (how you hold yourself- shoulders back, chest up, eyes straight ahead), where you focus your attention, and the language you use (affirmations pierce to the subconscious).

Below are a few graphics that have helped me over the years. If you come across the source of these, please let me know so I can correctly credit the authors. Enjoy!

Source: /